Hamstrings and stuff

First the good news - Mammogram was clear!!! Whoop whoop I can really get started on living the rest of my life!

Went to physio yesterday about knees and ankles and had a great sports massage , it turns out I have tight calves and ankle but my hamstrings are good. My fasha in one foot is very tight so I have to do some exercise with a golf ball!

It's starting to feel real now - had my first sponsorship pledge ! I've got a good plan which I'm sticking to and Alana is helping me with nutrition. I don't care how I do it but I'm doing the Cardiff 1/2 marathon ....why? Coz I can! I'm still alive!

The last few weeks have been a bit tricky for me as my mind was elsewhere so I managed to put on 3 pounds ....that will soon go though!

When I saw my boy the other week he said I looked skinny .... He's a gem , but size 16 ain't skinny for most but it is for me!

what have I done?

Many of my friends think I'm mad...I'm beginning to think they are right. I've only signed up to a boot camp for 2 days a week ....what's more it's 6:30 in the morning!

bollox

Well I don't know how your week has been but mine has been a veritable roller coaster. I've been bad, I've been sad and I've most certainly been mad.

Now I've had the same medication for 5 days I feel more stable. No night sweat , still a bit tearful but what the hell. I've signed up for boot camp for 2 mornings a week. It will be hard but I need my arse kicking to get the mojo back>

I went to my first full body massage since the cancer - I screamed like a baby! It bloody hurt loads but I feel so great I've booked it again. I now know where I'm carrying my tension - upper arms and shoulders , lower back and bum. Oh and I went after a run so my thighs objected a bit too but not my calves which I think is good. I've got 3 sports massage sessions to come ................I think I will supply them with ear plugs..............I'm a definite screamer!

Oh and the thing that made me so happy this week - I got tickets for George Michael in Cardiff - another thing to cross off on my list of things to do before you die.

The worst possible start

Today I woke feeling totally grim after a really bad night....I may aswell have slept in a swimming pool the night sweats were so bad. Not only no sleep, but a pounding headache and what I can only describe as morning sickness. This is just how it felt when I first started taking the tamoxifen so it's obviously that making me grouchy.

Never mind - I lit my aromatherapy candle swigged on the Aspro Clear and managed to get a couple more hours. No journey to Slough for me today - shame as I was looking forward to meeting up with some dear friends.

Oooh - my appointment is through for my annual check up with my surgeon , that means I'll have to book the mammogram soon, cant believe it's been a almost a year since someone muttered those 3 little words ...you have cancer! Oh well one year on and I'm still here to bitch about it, personally I'm in better shape than I have been for a long time.

Talking of shape - this drugs issue has also affected my exercise mojo :( So I'm doing a boot camp 6:30 am every Tuesday for a month. If that doesn't kick start me I have a feeling nothing will.

I'm seeing a GP  for a moan about the drugs on 31st May - soonest I could get in - but in the meantime there is Madrid to look forward to. In the words of Paddy Cunningham ...'visulise yourself on your next holiday ' well Paddy I can and I forsee beer and brandy involved.

Not Madrid , but Barcelona....that'll be the September trip with the boy!

Oh and I won Euromillions last night - a huge £4.30 ! Drinks all round circa 1950!

It's not good ...I'm gonna have words

I'm really fed up at the moment and it's not like me to be so unhappy. yeah there have been a few things going on in the family, my sisters MIL almost died last week, my neighbour actually did , and my lovely Beths hubby Stephen is still in hospital fighting meningitis............but thats not the reason.

The reason is the Tamoxifen!

I'm so out of sorts its untrue, I now know why. On checking the packaging it turns out the chemist had put mixed brands in the box so I've had no consistency. They obviously have no idea how doing something so simple to them has such an effect on me. To them I suppose Tamoxifen is Tamoxifen , for me it's the difference between being a motivated happy  person and a grumpy de-motivated old hag!

The night sweats are terrible , the day sweats aren't much better either. I think a visit to the Doc is called for....this cannot go on!

This week I'm determined to beat this drug induced torpor and hit 4K! I don't care what anyone thinks I can do this , I will do this and my aim is to add .5k on every week.

The weight loss has stalled too, but I'm not bothered about that...I'm still 2 dress sizes and 2.5 stones lighter than I was when I started this blog :)

where's it gone?

Maybe it's because I'm tired? Maybe it's because my routine has been disrupted with all this time away? Maybe I've got a little complacent? Maybe it's all the partying? Maybe I'm getting lazy? Well - the lovely Nell Pugh has come round at put an end to all that. I'm now doing a 10K so its time to up the ante - get those running shoes on and go for it!

He're our room with a view form Brighton! It's time to get those thunder thighs sorted :)

Don't knock it till you've tried it

There are some things in this world that just have to be done ...... Camping!

We haven't done it for a few years, but this is my summer of fun, the weather is superb for this time of the year, so tonight I will sleep under canvas! I love cooking outdoors and there's nowt like seeing how many things you can fit in a frying pan at breakfast time.

Hopefully there will be somewhere I can jog as I'm sadly lacking in exercise this week. No yoga due to conference and no ZumBa ue to pampering session. I love groupon for cheap pampering!

Weight loss this week is zilch but I didn't put on either so I still think that's a huge result, must try harder this week , no excuses as there is plenty of free time but there's also the temptation of fish n chips on Brighton pier with Big D for his birthday next week.
Oh well we will worry about that then , but in the meantime I cant wait for 'carry on Camping'

Labyrinth ......more like a dead end!

Another milestone in the recovery process was passed this week.....I went to Conference. I'm not very good and mingling with people I didn't want to be with and my tolerance levels are getting less and less as I'm getting older.

This time it was a bit different , I was able to show people face to face that there is life after breast cancer, it's not the same life that I had before ,things will never be the same again and the experience has changed me as a person. It was great seeing people and thanking them for their support , the comments about how great I look are much appreciated but not necessary. I know how amazing I feel so I'm hoping that radiates out too.

The biggest thing was seeing some people who I hadn't seen for possibly 12 months and just how little some things changed.....the small minded petty ones still were , the bigots were still there and inappropriate clothing still seems to be the fashion amongst the orange overweight.

I've done it now - I've hopefully got to the people that matter , I'm not going to do it again.

the perfect 3k training track

I've got to turn up the gas so my next challenge is to master 3K , then 5K. Every time I go out I get a new personal best for the mile ....that's not hard when you're me but I sure get a great boost when I hear it come through the headphones.

Roath Park Lake is the perfect 3k , it's also go some loos in case I get caught short and there are up and down bits. Today it was lovely - sun shining, goslings waddling and not too many people - well it was early! You can spot the newbies like me a mile off - we do our jog for an bit , then walk for a bit ,  look very red in the face and ever so slightly self conscious. Then you get the pro's that lap you every 5 minutes ....on a day like today I was wondering why they weren't doing the marathon.

Zumba....but not quite as we know it

There's something very comforting about the familiar and also disconcerting when you're used to doing something with another person and then you suddenly find you're riding solo.

Zumba for the wii is a bit like that - the music is the same , it's just as difficult and I only did the 20 minute beginner session , I still have problems following the Instructor and it feels totally weird to be doing it in my front room infront of the TV.

But I still had fun , even though there weren't any strange people or outfits to laugh at :)

 I could see the dance steps a bit easier and I deffo think I'll be doing the tutorials. Oh and for those of you that want to know just how different I look after dropping 2 stones - here I am.

Tis the season .....

Went for 20 mins in the park and it was hard work , but like anything with practise it will get better. Doesn't help that the trees are in full blown pollen mode but it was lovely to be out in the air in the sunshine.

Just had eggs from my girls for breakfast in the garden - I cant believe its early April and we've had 2 lovely BBQs with great friends. And I've not been too naughty either.

This week is gonna be hard work as I'm away 2 nights , trying to make sure I eat and exercise properly could be a bind , but Brighton has a seafront and I've got wet weather gear!

Oh this is Dunster Castle from last weekend when we went to Butlins........walked for blinking ages!

Have just got Zumba for the wii .......I'll give it a review later .......... not gonna be a patch on the real thing Im sure :)

2 down 3 to go

After a busy week away I was delighted to be home , but what on earth was that smell ??? I'm blaming my very elderly cat LC , I think she's losing it :(

We had a great time at Butlins, it's was actually quite a nice rest for me but it did mean I didn't get too much exercise in.

The lovely Nell Pugh gave me a kick up the arse last night so I better get back out pounding the pavements!

As far as the weight loss is going its another 2 pounds this week. I'm very happy about that as I haven't been the best with my eating this week. 2 days in Slough didn't help.

My plan this week is all about the exercise , I'm away again but Brighton seafront sounds a nice place to run. If I only do 20 minutes every day then I will be a happy bunny. The sun is shining again so I'm feeling quite good.

Have a sore foot today , we did new moves at Zumba last night , probably twisted it, never mind - nothing life threatening. Must find my tape measure as I want to see how my measurement changed.

Wore a pair of size 16 trousers to work this week ......felt like bloody Twiggy!!!

loser!

Now remember I said this wasn't about weight loss , but I've lost 2 stone since Christmas.

Theres a lot of people to thank for this , my lovely husband for all his support and coming out for walks with me, super daughter Nell who is keeping me on track and having a laugh at Zumba , the Biggest Losers tv programme gave me the inspiration.

I'm not being funny , I'd never seen the programme before , but seeing those lard arses just suck it up and go for it made me realise I could do it too. Oh and there's a small matter of the fact I don't want the bastard cancer to come back!!!

I'm taking my running gear to Butlins with me this weekend but I have a feeling running around after a 2 and 4 year old will give me the exercise I need.

Zumba,me,Nell and the old people

Firstly I'd like to thank my beautiful daughter Nell Pugh for introducing me to Zumba............I love it!

You've heard me talk about the chavs who think they're chocolate sit down after 5 minutes coz they can't cope, the man who comes with his wife coz I don't think he believed where she was going etc. Well last night was absolutely priceless. It wasn't the little old man (only one in the class) in the front row with the fantastic hip movements (ballroom dancer or gigalo - you decide) that caught my eye but the lady to my right.

They came in 10 minutes late , daughter had obviously dragged her rather old looking mother - think Madge in Benidorm - to this fantastic class she'd found.

Mum was snuggly dressed in a pair of chino's, best M&S jumper and a little pair of sparkly pumps. After 5 minutes Mum threw her hands in the air declaring there was no way she could be doing with it. After a few minutes coaxing (or a crafty fag) she started again , she had no idea what was going on but everytime Nell and I tried to move away so we had some space so we wouldn't clank into her she moved even closer!

She did make it through to the end of the class.....turned round to me and said ' Did you actually like that??? '  All I could manage was a weak smile............I wonder whether she'll be there next week?

I'm looking forward to Dave my Next courier turning up today. I've ordered a pair of jeans a size smaller....just to see :) but I'm not holding out much hope. Still it will give me something to aim for.

Partying this weekend with Gaye and Paul to celebrate his 50th ......that'll be me next year..........yikes!!!!

46%

I've just caught the tail end of Biggest Loser 2006 and the winner had gone from over 18st to 9 stone 9 and she looked absolutely amazing. That's not the inspirational part for me , seeing them at the end of the journey doesn't turn me on.

What does is the the determination they had to move their fat bodies around when they were massive and wobbling everywhere. Just getting started is hard , these guys were life threateningly huge and had no confidence.

But they did it , they carried on struggling ,you could see the pain on of each of their faces, they sucked it up and carried on. That's the bit that motivates me, give me the inspiration to get off my arse and go for a run. I don't have to run fast or far , I just need to make the effort to get off the chair and bloody do it.

I went for my 20 minute jogette lunchtime and although it was muddy underfoot it felt great to be out in the fresh air. Tonight it's 2 hours of grown up yoga! Yes I'm starting to get back in the groove , slow but steady.

If those big wobbly people had the balls to do it , so can I :)

It's all about the gadgets!

Cor - the iPod Nano is a bit small , I almost lost it before I took it out of the house! Just to check it was all working we went for a yomp over the barrage...me with my Nike+ and David with his iPhone - just for comparrison of course :)

Nice yomp, lovely day ...........utter frustration at my return.

I'm not sure why I get so disappointed with technology ......I've always known the Nike+ site is iffy but today it wound me up a treat......never mind as long as it records my efforts I don't care. I'm gonna need to up the ante quite quickly if I'm gonna have a hope at this 1/2 marathon , the pneumonia really stitched me up.

Oh ....and I'm expecting another frustration as the Wii Fit Plus disk came today ...... is it just me??

Slough calling!

Bit of trouble with the old Nike+ recently so I went and bought a new one - sods law it wasn't that so new iPod here we come!

Well, the time has come for me to go to the Big House!

I don't expect my security card to work, I don't expect to get a car parking space , I do expect the traffic to be rubbish round Reading and I'm hoping the weathers good.

It will be hard work getting up at 6 to guarantee a 10 o'clock , and the last meeting doesnt finish till gone 4 so it will be a long day.

I'm being kind to myself today - no gym or exercise - as I know adrenalin alone wont get me through tomorrow. (Think tissues will help and a strong gin when I get home )

So I did what all girls do when they are being kind to themselves - went to the hairdresser - I am now a ginge!

Loser !

I've got that Friday feeling :)

All in all its been a good week , birthday pampering went well and I didn't have to lie to the therapist. The Prof told me the cancer hadn't spread and gave me the all clear , had a lovely booze free meal for Andy's birthday. I can highly recommend Lilo's in City for good honest food.

Went back to the gym :) and Zumba was brill .......seriously thinking about getting a tutu!

Today it's hair cut day and I'm not sure just how short I should go. If I can get David to take a decent photo I'll post it .

Big prayers for all those affected by the Japanese earthquake

Are we alone???

Went to have my walking gait assessed today so David could fork out on some running shoes.

Only one problem - the scanner wouldn't work properly for me, every time I went to step on the scanner before I got to it a random image would appear on the screen, lots of odd pressure points. I made a joke about about it being my aura before me, and they actually laughed. This went one for about 10 minutes and then they called the podiatrist.

He took pictures of the screen as they had never seen it before , he wanted to send it off to the manufacturer etc. Well I don't know whether it was the combination of me not giving up and the presence of a qualified podiatrist but the the blinking thing started working again.

They could only capture the first walk of my scan as there appeared to be some interference behind me. But from the scans we now know my right foot is sound but my left rolls slightly inward to the middle. Not enough for a 'special insole' but I need moderate support in my trainers.


After trying on loads of different styles I have gone for Asics. Thank you David for a lovely birthday present.

Some days are better than others!

What is it about today that makes it so different from yesterday? I didn't sleep particulary well last night, I did wake up at a decent time but with a headache, I had HUGE IT issues when logging on to work this morning, conference calls all morning and at one point I lost the will to live :)

But then it's Tuesday , which normally means yoga , an activity I haven't been able to manage for a few weeks, feeling knackered I was debating whether to give it a miss.

Walking up the road to Bridge Cottage I was wondering whether Mary would be there, low and behold she stepped out of her car and guess what? The bitch had the same boots as me!!!! Once we had stopped laughing , and choking in my case, I knew I had made the right decision.

Mary's had pneumonia , she knows what I'm feeling and she also know how long it takes to get back to full strength and more importantly she knows how impatient I am. I managed an average yoga class , some things were more difficult than others , but I did it. For me this is a turning point , it means I'm on the road to recovery. I've promised to be kind to myself for at least ........

Oh and I'm having another cranial session Friday .......but before that there is a little matter of Zumba !!!!! Don't all shout at once!

Blah Blah Blah , Cancer , Blah Blah Blah

It was the weekly trip to the GP today always a time of deep joy.

The first things she did was listen to my chest and thought it remarkable that there were only a few crackles.......she then asked if I had my appointment through for the Prof.

9th March - no earlier? - no, why should it be? - because you've had cancer  - yes, and I was only given the all clear on 12th Jan, it was purely in my breast, never spread , didn't need chemo and will just spend 5 years on Tamoxifen - oh I thought he'd see you just like that - er, no. Cancer doesn't work that way. 2 weeks isnt an issue, and I'm a private patient.

Huge sigh from Doctor - I've panicked haven't I ? YES BIG STYLE!

She admitted that she hadn't listened to what I had been telling her about my early tree pollen allergy , she admitted that she didn't look back to see what had happened in previous years and how we've dealt with it.

She just didn't listen .......she saw the C word and panicked!

One thing we have agreed on is another set of antibiotics just to clear up whatever is left, another round of blood tests to see how my aneamia is going and I think she wants to book a CT scan just to be on the safe side......I'm sure I can stall that until I've seen the Prof on the 9th, it seems a waste of resources to me.

I can't exercise for another week so I'm falling further and further behind but dont worry , I can catch up :)

One phone call too far

Today I went to Docs for results of chest X-ray - I have pneumonia. What a great result!

During our discussion she said she was still concerned about my blood work , still ESR high, she asked me if I had finished taking the antibiotics - she didn't give me any! Loops , she meant too. She then wondered if I needed a scan ' just in case '. Stop right there!!! I do not have lung cancer!!!!

Just as I was watching Midsomer for the umpteenth time the phone rang , it was the GP. She had been speaking to the cancer people and she want me to to go back and see the Prof! Considering he only gave me the all clear on 12th Jan I bet he was really happy!!!

I'm sure by the time I get the appoint with Prof Barrett Lee I'm sure the antibiotics she eventually gave me would have worked and I will be right as rain.

Oh and by not drinking and following a decent diet and upping exercise I've lost weight this year. About 2 pounds a week which is sensible .......I don't think I'm wasting away due to cancer.

Being very practical about this as the breast cancer didn't reach the lymph nodes I find it highly unlikely thats it's gone walkabout round the rest of my body.

I think if I had a £150k a year salary to protect I'd chuck me over the fence for someone else to deal with too.

I know my body ,this is nothing serious , this is just an infection that's has been mismanaged. That is all. I will survive, I will run the Cardiff 1/2 marathon, I will live my life to the full.

Best made plans and all that

Today I was planning to attend my first full yoga day with Mary at Bridge Cottage.I'd even prepared my liver and spinach casserole to take with me to share (still trying hard to manage my anaemia). The day starts at 10 and finishes at 3 and she only does 7 a year. To say I was really looking forward to it was an understatement , especially as the Tuesday afternoon sessions have stopped.

You could have knocked me down with a feather when David woke me at 930 and asked if I was going . 930 ! Sleeping this long has been unheard of for the last 5 weeks. I don't mind missing yoga for a good sleep, I'll try and get to one of the evening classes , it's time I stepped it up a gear. Let's see what Jason can do to me!

It's pouring with rain here today so I may just go round some garden centres and get some ideas for the spring/ summer. I'm still coughing like a good un, but I do think the new antihistamines are helping.

Oh - popped on the scales yesterday and I've lost 13 pounds since the start of the year without even trying. Imagine what it will be when I get into my training once I'm well enough.

My counsellor gave me some homework to do this week, I have to keep a diary of what went well, what didn't and what could be better. Guess what's going in for today ?

Taking advice has never been on of my strong points

Went for my asthma review this week and Anne took one look at my blood count and uttered the immortal words - gosh you must be tired!

Having been told for the last 7 months that the cancer treatment would make me tired I guess I never even noticed, just thought it was normal, turns out that having a blood count of 10 isn't great news! I've started taking feroglobin liquid and mighty gross it is too, so I'm ditching that and concentrating on iron rich foods instead. Can highly recommend curly kale omelette.

Another piece of advice Ann gave me was not to do too much for a week or two ..... At least until the result of my chest X-ray and the next bloods are known. Erm ....... I'm not liking the sound of that so I've made myself a promise, no gym or running this week , just Zumba and walking. It's not sitting well with me but if I don't look after myself I'm not going to be able to do anything!

I've started back at work too , only mornings , but it's a start, and I'm glad I work from home coz my early morning routine is non existent:) it is making me tired so I try and get my feet up for an hour , that's where I am now , in bed on my iPad .

I'm seeing my counsellor this afternoon, I want to talk to him about the way I felt when I had my chest X-ray yesterday . I fair had a wobble , tears the lot, it just brought back to me the weeks of radiotherapy , and of course I am terrified they will find something else.

It's easy for you to say don't worry , but you're not me , you haven't been through it , and until you do you won't know , so don't bother wasting your breath by telling me not to worry or keep my chin up. Keep your thoughts to yourself and get on with your life , there's no need to worry about mine - I have it under control.

Now if I can follow Ann's advice , you can surely follow mine :)

Anaemic or not I'm going in!

Well it's been a bit of a strange week for me. Popped in to have my pnuemonia jab on Friday and the Nurse said ' the doctor needs to see you about your recent blood test'. I was whisked in there and then 1 - I'm anaemic and 2 - my ESR rate is sky high which means I'm fighting something. No shit - I've had a chest infection for 3 weeks and am fighting the pollen from the hazel trees. So i need to have them done again and go to the hospital for a chest infection.......oh and to top it all as we've not long returned from Zanzibar she's not ruling out Malaria. Yeah whatever!

So today I hauled my tired anaemic arse to the gym, after drinking the vile haemoglobin drink, and just for the record this is what my gym routine looks like ( I sneaked the card out so I got it right ).

5 min warm up on any cardio machine
30 chest flyes on swiss ball 2kg wieghts - dont forget Ive had an op in this area
30 Bosu lunges - to strengthen my ankle muscles
10 back extensions on Swiss ball
30 Lat pull downs 15kg
30 leg presses 50kg
10 calf rasies 50kg
bike quickstart level 5 70rpm for 1 min then 2 mins level 3110 rpm repeat for 10 minutes
Stepper level 6 build up to 10 minutes - yeah like that gonna happen!

Im not finding it easy , I hate the bike but its all designed to help me build stamina in my legs :)

Oh and by the way - we've lost the poly tunnel in the wind. Whooooosh!

Back on track

Feel so much better today , finally think this bastard bug is going.

Picked up my training schedule to see that today it would be walk 2 run 3 - it's not raining so I thought the park. Donning my new running tights ( leaving nothing to the imagination ) and running top, headphones and stop watch at the ready I headed out.

I didnt anticipate so much mud! It was very slippery and bloody cold and ofcourse I'd forgotten about the poisonous trees. But I did my 20 minutes and Im very pleased I did. Im now sat in front of Biggest Losers eating porridge to get my next burst of inspiration.

I've got my blood tests this afternoon....... deep joy. May treat myself to a swim and sauna later.

Oh and I'd better mop up the mess I made in the kitchen ...................I dropped a bottle of salad dressing. Butter fingers!

Remember it's not about weight loss

Today is the first day I have felt human in a few weeks and for those of you that know me well I have been very frustrated at not being able to do the things I've wanted to.

I'm behind on my running schedule , I've missed Zumba and I've become addicted to X Weighted Families on Sky 2. There's nothing quite like the sight if sobbing fat people when you're eating dinner. They get on my tits a bit but it just reinforces that if people want to lose weight it's exercise that's gonna do it.

I'm also liking Biggest Losers and said to Nell if those fat biffas can do it, then the only thing stopping me is me.

But remember I said right at the beginning this is not about weight loss it's about giving me a goal after the cancer.

As it's the last day of the month I thought it was time to jump on the Wii Fit.....having been comfort eating chocs and crumpets coupled with no exercise I wasn't expecting much ......but I've actually lost 9lbs this month. Now that's a bit of a result I wasn't expecting.

They still haven't sorted out when I'm going back to work which is pissing me off a bit , and I'm seeing a counsellor this afternoon. Hope they know what they've let themselves in for!!!

A right telling off

Today I hauled my sorry ass out of bed nice and early, pulled on my training gear and went to the gym.

Alana was waiting with my new routine and she's covered all the bases. She didn't even let me finish the warm up before she told me off for being there and not resting!!! Duly nagged i said I wouldn't do any of the card stuff and she agreed to show me the rest of the routine.

I am a very naughty girl! Golden rule - you do not exercise when you have a chest infection , I have been told. But you know what a fickle fanny I am, I want to get on with this training lark for the 1/2 marathon. I don't want to be behind but I know she's talking sense.

No Zumba again for me this week then :(

Different day , different drugs

Oh well , this morning trip to the GP was all I could have expected. Different antibiotics and told to take it easy for the next few days.

What a load of bollocks! I couldn't be arsed to tell her about the fact I have a goal to reach and at this rate I'll be 2 weeks behind , I really couldn't be arsed to explain when she said take a few days off work to recover, all the palaver I'm having actually getting back to work! To be quite honest I'm really fed up with it all .I'm cancer free , there's no way something simple like a frigging chest and water infection should be making me feel this shit. Don't they know who I am ?

Suppose the good thing is my blood pressure is normal and although I'm peeing White blood cells , they're not growing anything. The only thing the GP could suggest would be blood tests so I'm booked in again next week.

I've cancelled yoga this afternoon as I'm not in the right frame of mind to handle cheery people , to be quite honest I wish the world would just bugger off!

Red tape and bloody noses

I was all set to go back to work today - only for 4 hours but it was a start. So by 9:30 I was showered, dressed with hair all done ready to face the day. At 10 I get a call from the boss , apparently we have to go though Crapcentures return to work process before I can officially start. It's more red tape and paperwork designed to protect us all ....to stop me doing too much too soon , and to give an opt out of I don't cut the mustard. Fair enough, but why will they only accept 'paperwork ' in this digital age ? I hope they'll go on the scanned copy I sent them - looks like I have another 7-10 days to go.

I wasn't going to waste the time so I've cleared down some emails and went on a conference call.

There 's something odd going on in my body at the moment. Ever since the I've started the antibiotics for the chest infection I've been having nose bleeds. I have never had them before in my life ....and I must say I don't like them. Got another docs appointment tomorrow to see what's going on.

Cos of the chest infection I've cancelled my massage for today , didn't think it was fair on either of us!!

I'm hoping to get my running shoes on this week......I can't be falling too far behind!

More drugs and Alana says yes!

Went to GP and it turns out I've been harbouring a very nasty chest and water infection. No wonder I feel like shit. I've mega antibiotics and some new sleeping tablets to try so with a bit of luck I'll be on the mend ready to start work on Monday.

On the positive side I went and saw Alana at Bannatynnes for my review. She's so pleased that I'm cancer free and that I've signed up for the half marathon.

She'll put together a plan for me and I'll go see her again on Sunday if I'm up to it.

I'm not feeling too chipper at the mo, but I'm sure once the drugs start to kick in I will be fine

Best made plans!

Hubby and I have been feeling under par all week. He's got a flu type thing , he doesn't do man flu - he's too much of a man for that , and I have been battling with a very bad chest and cough due to the pollen.

I managed yoga yesterday and a cranial sacral therapy session but I must admit today I'm totally pooped! My head aches, I feel sick and my eyes hurt.

I'm going to be really sensible and put back my training plan by one week, although I'm determined to Zumba tomorrow.

Seeing the GP Friday so she can nag me about my breathing and let me know what the damage is . More drugs to take I expect.

What's really annoying is I was planning to go to Portsmouth this weekend, but now Darius and Mum will have to wait a bit longer .

A liitle behind

Due to the general feeling of yuckness and not being able to breathe , I didn't do my second training run last week. My wonderful trainer said I should listen to my body and not push things if it didn't feel right - so I haven't! I think it's important not to put myself off by doing something silly at such an early stage.

So this week I'm on catch up.

Today I had a Thai foot massage and if you've never had one you don't know what you're missing, it's fab! But the BIG news is now I've been declared cancer free I can now have full body again! Fantastic news as I think a few sports massages will be needed along the way to the 1/2 marathon!

Tomorrow I'm gonna try sacral cranial therapy for my breathing , but I'm also seeing the GP Friday as next week I go back to work.

Prof knows best

On Wednesday Professor Barrett Lee said he never wanted to see me again. I'm not gonna take it personally coz it now means I'm cancer free!

We had a good old natter about how life will never be the same again , I've been through a lot physically and mentally, and how to come up with strategies for what may don next - like going back to work.

But what we talked most about was my commitment to do this 1/2 marathon. Now some of you out there have severe doubts about whether I should be doing this - Prof knows best and this is what he said.

1- it will make my bones stronger so I am less likely to get osteosprosis
2- it will not increase my risk of the cancer returning
3- the endorphins will make me feel better and help with the early onset menopause
4- my sleep pattern will eventually return and this will help
5- don't drink too much before the start as the loo facilities aren't good , use the bushes if you need to
6- you will be surprised how many people come out to support, there's a real party atmosphere to it

And his final words were - other people will not understand what you've been through, don't try to manage or worry about their fears or dreads. Get on with life and enjoy everyday.

So, I'm following Doctors orders and I suggest you do the same :)

Zumba'd! The pictures say it all

I need to report a crime

It is with a very heavy heart that I need to report Nell Pugh for attempted murder!

It's only training day 1 of week 2 and I m already in fear for my life, today it was walk 3mins then run 2 for a total of 20 minutes. Sounds easy enough but if you've been up since 4am with a cough from hell , it's clear after the first 10 mins that the breathings not working properly . OK so I'm mildly asthmatic at this time of year , but hey so is Paula Radcliffe!

Don't worry Nell , I will get my own back at Zumba tonight and make sure we are in the front row.........

Oh and don't worry , you are the only girl in the family, you'll get all the diamonds anyway !

Yoga and me - part 1

I don't know about you but I thought yoga was about Lycra, ladies of a certain age ala Felicity Kendal , very middle class and something for skinny minnys with too much time and not enough gin.

How wrong was I! My first class at Bridge Cottage was a scream, there were only 5 of us, all 'damaged goods' in one way or another and I couldn't do any of the moves without laughing out loud , and I mean really out loud. It was like the floor bits of an 80s aerobics class , you didn't know just how much it would hurt until the following day.

What I really didn't expect was that after the stretching etc we would just lie there whilst Mary talked to us about various aspects of life .....that was it ! I found myself lying on the floor in a room of strangers blubbing like a baby. Apparently this is very natural if you're doing it right , the body relaxes to the point of release and anything can happen. Can't see Bannatynes or David Lloyds taking it to that extreme.

This was the best £5 and hour and a half I had ever spent. I went home and slept like a baby only to wake up with a yoga hangover and wondering whether I was emotionally able or ready to go back the next week.

Oh , and yes , today I will do day 1 of week 2 of my training plan!

And the winner is ..........

Well I've finally announced the charity I will be running for , and it's not one of the big cancer charities................pick yourself up off the floor. It's true in this life you have to pick your battles, I didn't pick breast cancer I just discovered it one day, another thing I discovered back last July was yoga.

Life has many ways of bringing good things into your life but I never imagined a flier through the door would help give my life so much quality. I was just recovering from surgery , thinking of things to occupy my mind and wondering how I was going to cope with the excess of allotment courgettes ,when an unassuming A5 piece of paper fluttered onto the doormat.

Bridge Cottage garden party and open day - all welcome ! I was intrigued by this as Bridge Cottage is only about 400 yards up the road, surrounded by high fences and with a bright yellow sign outside....looked a bit of hippy nonsense to me!

But the sun was out and one resolution I made to myself was that the time off would be put to good use discovering more about where I live. (Thats another story all together!) David and I ambled up the road, went through the gate and it was just like walking into a heavenly glade.

This was my first meeting with the force that is Mary Madhavi.....she has an amazing story to share which I will reveal as we go through, but needless to say she knew my pain, it was like she could see inside my mind and one of the things she said was .....'If you want I can help you, if you dont we can still have some fun........come next Tuesday afternoon and see what we're all about'

Me? Yoga?............but I did like the fun part! So I went......I'm not gonna reveal too much now ....I need you to be on the journey with me to try to understand why I've made my decision.

IPad comes up with a new word to describe me

Nynorsk!!!

I don't know what it means but I'm hoping it's a compliment!

Whatever .....

Coughcoughcoughcough ....wheeze! Yep the Hazel trees are trying to kill me again , my hayfever starts early this year. I wouldn't mind but I am surrounded by early flowering trees so until the fruit blosom comes I'm gonna suffer!

Hey ho , what's that compared to fighting the cancer. I see the Prof tomorrow and need to have grown up conversations about bone density, numb hands, joint pains and going back to work. I'm not sure how he'll react when I tell him about the 1/2 marathon, but he's one of lifes good guys so I'm sure he'll understand.

I'm hoping yoga is on this afternoon as I really need to tell Mary Madhavi of my plans, not only will I need some physical support but I'm gonna need her mentally too, I just hope she's ready for the challenge.

Oh and I've heard there's a major reorganisation going on at work so I may not even have a job to go back to.........on a brighter note I have booked a holiday to meet a facebook friend in Spain...we are going to the Medieval Festival in Tortosa. Life is for living , right???

Oh and happy birthday my lovely trainer Nell Pugh , Daddy will take you out later and I will attempt something on the Wii !

2 sessions and a Zumba hangover

What a week! No yoga on Tuesday as Mad Mary is not back from Christmas so I haven't managed to share my plans with her . I'm expecting a wry smile and another 'you should really come on retreat you know'. I just may do that but don't tell het!

Did my first training session - brisk walk for 20 mins which I ended with a cuppa with Rosie. No problem there.

Last night was Zumba and I loved it. What I didn't like was the very sluggish feeling I have today , it's like a hangover without any booze. Hubby feels very slow so we think it may be the last dregs of the Malarone.

I haven't let it put me off , I went to the gym to do session 2. The reason for the gym was just to get the feeling of what running is actually like in a controlled environment. I want to be comfortable that I know what I'm doing before I'm out on my own pounding the pavements. It's like my safety net!

So it's walk for 4 mins run for 1 min and repeat 4 times. Sounds easy! After the first one minute run , which seemed like an eternity , I thought I was going to throw up :( checked the heart rate and it was 156 ..... Oh my god I'm on the verge of dying!

But believe it or not by the time I got to the last minute run I was actually looking forward to it, it went by in a flash.

For those who know about these things and purely to keep a record , ave heart rate 134 , caps 136, distance 1.9k....... Jeez there is a long way to go! Oh well , I never thought it would be easy!

Chin up little Pugh , there's a new training challenge next week......oh and you can reveal all .........

Shake it baby!

Tonight I went to my first Zumba class and if you've never been to one -GO!

It's a lot of sweaty fun, women of all shapes , ages and sizes, from skinny teens to grandma shaped barrels on legs!

I have no co-ordination so this is designed to help me get a rhythm and up my card. I have never laughed so much in my life.

David will be pleased as I should be able to learn to shake my bootee and wiggle my hips like the Christmas dancers. Next week I'll see if Nell can do a before and after snap. Yes that's right - I am going back for more!

So ladies, find a friend , find a class and have the exercise time of your life.

Go for it!

Today I went to see my wonderful GP to talk about returning to work and my plans for the future.

When I told her about the 1/2 marathon she was over the moon , the best thing for me to do , get on with my life and set a new challenge. The only thing she did say was not to expect her to do it with me! Seriously the endorphins that will be released with the increased exercise will help with the early onset menopause symptoms. After having my hormones stripped drastically from my body I need all the help I can get otherwise I'll be running out of friends PDQ.

Oh and the training started today - 20 minutes brisk walking in the rain x 2. The waterproof hat and gloves are brill and the earflaps cover my earphones so Clare and the community kept me company.

I actually feel like I'm on my way!

The shopping !

A good shopping trip - cheap watch from Argos, running tops and base layer from Go Outdoors, and I love the way they all scrunch up so small they have their own little box under the bed!

I'm gonna need a stopwatch

The wonderful Nell has just sent me my first 10 week training plan and very detailed it is too. Doesn't look too daunting but it is designed to get me to continuous running for a 20 minute period ....I feel sick already! At least one ofthe weekly runs has to be done outside , I'm gonna need some kit!

Stopwatch - I need this for timing my minute by minute (have Nike + to do the jazzy stuff)
Long sleeved running tops - I have been recommended base layer
Running jacket ??? I have a Dare2B jacket but it's a bit snug and I have a feeling Im gonna get dirty too!
Running hat and gloves
Socks - I have plenty of stuff in the draw so I don't think I need specialist socks , well not at this stage anyway
Shoes - I have my trainers to start me off that I use in the gym but I may have to get some 'proper' ones - think I'll seek some advice before splashing out!

Go Outdoors have 50% off all running gear today ..... I think I should pay a visit!

Why?

An extremely good friend who knows what at total numptey I can be looked me straight in the eye infront of other people today and asked the dreaded question...........

' What possesed you to sign up for a half Marathon? ' ........simples! 'It's because I can!'

She just shrugged her shoulders , gave me a wry smile and said ' Yes , I suppose you can.'

I'm not sure people are shocked because I'm a middle aged lardy arse who's only other running experience was Race for Life where I was carried along by collective grief , or because I should be taking it easy cos of the Breast Cancer.

Whichever one it is I don't care....I'm doing this for me.....cos I can!

2011-whatever next!

After an early night and no alcohol (very unusual on any day not just New Year Eve) I'm feeling pretty chipper.

The lovely Nell Pugh has yet to present me with my first 10 week plan so I dusted off the wii fit to see how my weight and bmi is doing. After telling me I haven't used the machine for over 300 days and having a technology chuckle to itself the board told me it was time to climb on.

Remember this is not about losing weight! Keep that at the forefront of your mind at all times!!!!

And the winner is ...... 14st 8lb (loss of 9 in a year! And some of that was the tit!!) BMI 36.56 obese ....gosh that's gonna have to change if I want to haul my ass round 13 odd miles !

Result- Wii Fit age 43 which gives me a glimmer of hope.

In the words of Del Boy ' he who dares wins , Rodney'